Who's In Charge

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Asking "Who's in Charge" is critical after learning of a loved one's death. As with any life transition, the process goes more smoothly if there is a designated person to make decisions. That person ensures that the wishes and desires of the recently deceased loved one are carried out as he or she wanted.

You may be that person, or it may be an executor/executrix, a partner, or child of the deceased. Whoever accepted this role for the deceased will have the final say in all decisions.

Certain decisions need to be made at the point of death - where is the body to be delivered? If the death occurs at home, once any medical professionals and/or law enforcement agency complete their tasks, the next step for the physical remains MUST be addressed that same day.

The decision-maker will be the one to work with those taking care of the physical remains, whether a funeral home, crematorium, a "green burial" firm, or a home-care guide. 

The decision-maker will also be the contact point for the lawyer, financial planner, religious institution, and the family.

• If you are not in-charge, do you know the person likely to have been designated?
• Do you know how to contact him or her?
• Do you have their phone number or email?
• How quickly can that person take on this responsibility?

Depending on your relationship with this person, if possible, consider offering your support. The administrative process involved is overwhelming. This person may also be dealing with his/her grief, and any assistance - or even the offer - will be appreciated.

If you offer and your support is accepted, please remember:

• You are not the person in charge
• Provide advice only if asked!
• If you have specific information that may be helpful, offer it respectfully to the person-in-charge (PIC)

As the reality of the magnitude and potential duration of dealing with all the details surrounding death penetrates the fog of emotions, it will seem overwhelming and complex. 

Take one step at a time. Just one step at a time.